I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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