he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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