I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
