I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
