mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
