make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
