my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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