He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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