Dual....:-)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
