You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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