I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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