3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
