You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
