what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
