Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The Olympian is in my bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
