Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize