I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
