But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
