My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
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Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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