Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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