I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
