***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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