is your mom at the bar?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, beer. Big fan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
