Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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