he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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