I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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