Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
