just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
