There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
