I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
