just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
