there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
