Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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