Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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