Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
