Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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