We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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