Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
