she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
