idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
