dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
