shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
look no pants
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
