Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
