I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
