It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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