never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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