OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
