Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
