I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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