My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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