I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
