lets start a swedish sibling band together
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
