...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
