I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
