Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
