Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
