He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
