I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
