let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
