just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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