you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
