hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
