But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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