he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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