she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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