new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
