every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
