i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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