so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
