were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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