Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
