One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
