dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
