Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
