first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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