does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
