Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
